Jokes for Nerds, Jokes for Nerds!*

Everyone likes to think that they're cool. Even if you're pretty sure you're a nerd, sometimes in the comfort of your bedroom while dancing to your favourite music, or in public when you uncharacteristically say the perfect thing at the perfect time, it occurs to you that maybe, just maybe, you are cool.

Then you come across a birthday card from your mid-twenties that was made for you by one of your nerdier friends, and it makes you laugh at the cleverness of that friend, and the perfectness of the joke, and you realize: "Happy birthday! You're a nerd!"

But you know what? You don't mind.

My friend Terry Brown made this for me, one of the smartest, funniest, nerdiest people I know. I'm sharing it with you in the unwavering knowledge that he has absolutely no recollection of ever having made this. (I'm pretty sure this was in response to my complaining about the stupid Chippendales cards that I hated, but female co-workers insisted on giving to each other because it was oh-so-riske!)

I hope you're a nerd, too, and enjoy this as much as I did!



Inside:

Yeah, it's a pretty fricken sweet nerd card, if I do say so myself.

Help for cool people: On the front, the card depicts uber-nerds Stephen Hawking, Albert Einstein, and Sigmond Freud as sexy Chippendales dancers. Inside, Isaac Newton brings it home with a saucy double-entendre based on the field of science he helped to establish, and indeed is considered the father of. I assure you it is a fine nerd joke.

* This is a reference from zefrank, who I have come to realize I love in a deeply romantic, yet strangely platonic way. Thanks to Freyja for getting me hooked. I'm pretty sure she doesn't read this blog, but if you see her maybe you could thank her for me.

Bank Fraud vs. Classmates.com

I received this email the other day:

From: "George Stephens"
To: george_stephens001@yahoo.com
Subject: Thanks in Anticipation

My Good Friend,

Compliments. My name is Mr. George Stephens, and I work as an accountant in a bank:I feel quite safe dealing with you in this important business. Though, this medium (Internet) has been greatly abused, I choose to reach you through it because it still remains the fastest medium of communication.

However, this correspondence is unofficial and private, and it should be treated as such. At first I will like to assure you that this transaction is 100% risk and trouble free to both parties. I contacted you to work together with me in claiming my late client estate. Unfortunately he died without a registered next of kin and as such the funds now have an open beneficiary status. You could be made the beneficiary as you Share the same last name with him.

This sameness in your last names has officially transferred the beneficiary right to you, as no other person from his family knows anything about this fund with our bank.

If you are interested in working with me, please get back to me as quickly as possible so that I give you the details of what we are to do.

Thanks in anticipation for your co-operation

Best Wishes, Mr. George Stephens

My immediate response:

OMG! George Stevens!? I've been looking for you EVERYWHERE! Good golly man, you are one hard guy to find! I've been looking for you for ten years! And then you just send me a spam email out of the blue, trying to con me out of my money. Same old George! :) Still, I've totally got goosebumbs, for like, real.

Anyway, I'm on the reunion committee and, as you are doubtless aware, our 20th High School anniversary is coming up in June. Can you believe that?! Twenty years... it seems like only yesterday. "Sunrise, sunset... Sunrise, sunset..." Remember when you played Tevye in our 11th grade production of Fiddler on the Roof? My god, you were awful! You couldn't carry a note! I can't imagine why they chose you for the lead. Oh right, because you threatened to kill the director's family, ha- ha! You nutty nut-nut!

Remember Lisa Jones? She was the girl who threw up all over Tom Smenke's sneakers at the prom, remember? And then proceeded to make out with Bob "no thumbs" Peters - the janitor - ew? (Oh, that's right, you weren't at the prom. I think you were in jail for blowing up the principal's brand new Ford Escort. He totally exaggerated the extent of his injuries, by the way. He still walks with a limp twenty years later. What a faker! Besides, he totally deserved it with that haircut of his.) ANYway, Lisa just gave birth to sextuplets! I know!! She was always such a huge slut.

As for me, well, I travelled for a few years after university (majored in Criminology of all things), did some temping here and there, and now I'm working at a bank as a guard. Of course, I'm still single and loving it! Oh, but remember my cat Mr. Whiskers? I'm afraid he passed away about 7 years ago. Feline Leukemia Virus. I know, it was awful. I had him stuffed, though, so he's always with me. But life goes on, and now I'm on to Mr. Whiskers 2.0. He and I get into all kinds of shenanigans, as you can imagine! Lol!

Wow. George Stevens. The last time I saw you you were being arrested for embezzlement. Just how much did you get out of that Insurance office, anyway? Obviously not enough, or you wouldn't be sending me this completely illegal email! Just kidding! How about your love life? Any interesting women on the horizon, or have you "tied the knot" along the way? I'm dying to know!

ANYwho, the reunion info is below, please RSVP as soon as you can. It's going to be a hoot. There's going to be a talent show, maybe you can revise your Tevye!! Oh, but just FYI, they've installed a metal detector at the doors now, so you might want to leave Mike the Knife at home - my god, I haven't thought about Mike for years! I remember when you used to stick up frosh for their lunch money and threaten girls in the restroom with him. That's how you and I met, remember?! Oh, I had such a crush on you back then! Good times..

Date: June 10th, 2007
Time: 8:00 pm - ?
Place: The Old High School, silly! In the Big Gym, not the girls' one. Look for the balloons, you'll find it.

Anyway, hope to see you soon!! Go Purple Raiders!!

Love,You-know-who, aka "Thunder Thighs", "Barrel Hips", "Brace-Face", "Double-Bagger", "The Blob".

;-)

Viva el Jingle!

Last year around this time the cute boyfriend and I went to Puerto Plata in the Dominican. Unfortunately for us, it was not the best week weather-wise, so we had to spend a few rainy days just lying in our room watching television. (Although, it was kind of nice because we didn't really feel guilty about just being vegetables and we kinda wanted to just lay around watching tv anyway.)

They played this really cute commercial that I got hooked on while I was there. I must have seen it 800 times during the week, and I fell in love with the song. It got stuck right in my head, and I liked it so much I had to find it when I got home. It's great because the song's in English but you can tell it's not sung by a native English-speaker. I love singing it with the accent.

It's an ad for Mercado Libre, the South American version of e-Bay. I saw the Spanish version of it, but also found the Portuguese version, too. I tried to get my Portuguese roommate to tell me what the hell he says when he gets to the girl's house, but she couldn't make it out because of the Brazilian accent. Oh well.

In any event, it's a charming commercial with a simplicity and innocence that I doubt we'd be able to pull off here in N.A. Don't play it more than once, though, you might get hooked on the song.

The reason I took a year to bring it up is that I thought I'd forget about it once I got back. But then a few months ago a soap commercial started playing here in Toronto, and I could swear it's the same guy. The commercial is in English, but the guy doesn't actually speak during it, so it could be that he moved to North America to find his fortune. With such an adorable ponem I don't doubt he'll do well, even if he never speaks. I have no idea how to find out if it's him, though, they don't have an IMDB for commercials, that I know of.

Anyway, it's prompted me to again look up the original commercial on YouTube to share with you all. Enjoy.

(De nada!)