This is Joe's Fault

Thursday, August 12, 2004

Li'l Sumpin' Sumpin'

Today is August 12. The summer, right? And I know it's early in the morning, but, it's 15 degrees. And overcast. Chance of showers later today, just like every other day for the last two or three months.

I'm getting a bit fed up, if you must know.

And I'm not making excuses, but I have a feeling that's why I haven't been updating a lot. Frankly, we've been boned for our summer and I'm not taking it well. Our summers are so short here anyway that we really can't afford all of the overcast, cloudy, cool, rainy days that we've been getting. We've only really had one or two weeks of really nice weather, and it's usually broken up by crappy rainy days.

Actually, rainy days wouldn't be so bad, it's the damn cloudy days without rain that get to me. We went camping on the weekend and the whole day it felt like 5:00 on an early fall day. I think we got about 30 minutes of sun shining through the blah, and even that was not unbroken.

I feel like we have been given the finger by the Sun God and it's making me a little logy.

But I've been collecting things I'd like to write about anyway as I make my way to work and back. The one good thing about working is that you encounter so many more things than when you just stay at home all day. Like newspapers. I'm constantly seeing newspapers and headlines and hearing the disgusting stories of the day in the lunch room. Normally I avoid them at all costs, but they do provide something to talk about, I guess.

Yesterday I was on the streetcar and I saw a headline on a story, "Ashlee Simpson to come to Toronto" (whoever that is). The thing that struck me about that was not the content but the name. "Ashlee - with two ee's." What is with names nowadays? Everyone has to have something unique. It wasn't enough that there are a million Britneys or Tiffanys or Austins or Taylors out there, but now they all have to have their own spellings, too. And I'm afraid y's and apostrophes are playing a larger role than ever. Now we've got to put up with Brytneighs, Tyffanies, Aust'ns and Teighlors.

But hey, I understand the need to feel a little special. Even I started using my middle name because it had more pizzazz than Mary, but it's brought me no end of heartache. That's why I propose that we stop trying to just make up cool-sounding, impossible to spell names and switch over to numbers. There's an infinite variety of them! Everyone would be their own person! Everyone could be special! Everyone would be unique!

I wonder what it would be like, though. I wonder what a typical conversation would sound like...

78145: Hey, 447, could I borrow your -- *spluttering laughter*
682: *laughter*
78145: Oh my gosh, did I just call you 447!?
682: Yeah, I think you did *laughs*
78145: I can't believe I did that! That's so funny! I don't even know a 447!
682: *laughs* Don't worry about it, I get it all the time.
78145: *laughter subsides* ...ah, that was funny. "447", heh. [pause] So, anyway, can I borrow your scissors?
682: Sure.

Wow, it's like out of some distant, far-away, future world that we can never know. Oh, wait, though, then we'd get all of the 133+ speakers making even their numbers unintelligible. Ah, hell. I guess there's just no way to regulate what people call themselves. Not yet anyway...

Anyway, I'm off to work. See you in a pint of milk (as me ole' mudder used to say).