I Didn't Steal This Theme

I found an online article about the Positive Psychology scientists a few months ago, but I haven't done anything with it til now. So I hope you don't think I stole the theme for this week.

I'm not the only person to think about happiness and it's pursuit. The American Founding Fathers, Will Smith, and Ze Frank are just three examples of others who have had struggled with this topic as well.

I realize I cannot really prove that I didn't steal this theme, especially since I just discovered Ze Frank and spent a good deal of the Christmas vacation catching up on his wonderful daily video project, and one of the most popular videos is a week devoted to happiness. But I didn't steal it, I tells ya! (Warning: Ze Frank is addictive if viewed. I will not be held responsible if you spend a good deal of your time watching the show from March 17 until now. I will not!)

I also bought a book today that talks a little more in-depth about Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligman, one of the pioneers of the field. I was saddened to see that it was in the "Psychology/Self-Help" section, which puts his research in very bad company right from the get go. I mean, Dr. Laura Schlesinger was in the same section. Ewwww.

But I've only read a few chapters and I must say, it's interesting at any rate. I would appreciate some more solid data, and I haven't decided yet about the validity of most of it, but at least the anecdotal stuff hasn't made me angry, which is a start.

Anyway, so far it's made me a bit optimistic, but cautiously so. Which, in my experience, is the best kind of optimism.

We'll see what the book has to say about that, though.

A Hot Proposition

A few months ago I had the incredible good fortune to be sent an amazing offer to my hotmail account, by a total stranger no less! It's taken me a while to compose my response, I didn't want to blow this once in a lifetime opportunity. I'll show you the initial email and then my response. I plan to send it off tomorrow. Let me know what you think.

From: Mr. Song Lile
Subject: PLEASE CONTACT ME (ASAP)

MR. Song Li le
Hang Seng Bank Ltd.
Sai Wan Ho Branch,
83, Des Voeux Road, Hong Kong.

Good Day,
Let me start by introducing myself. I am Mr. SONG LI LE director of operations of the Hang Seng Bank Ltd.I have an obscured business suggestion for you. Before the U.S and Iraqi war our client Colonel Sadiq Uday who was with the Iraqi forces and also businessman, made a numbered fixed deposit for 18 calendar months, with a value of Nineteen millions Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars only in my branch. Upon maturity several notices was sent to him, even during the war which began in 2003. Again after the war another notification was sent and still no response came from him. We later found out that the Colonel along with his wife and only daughter had been killed during the war in a bomb blast that hit their home. You can read more about the bombings on visiting these sites below:

1.http://www.ccmep.org/usbombingwatch/2003.htm#3/19/03
2.http://civilians.info/iraq/deaths_data.php

After further investigation it was also discovered that Colonel Sadiq Uday did not declare any next of kin in his official papers including the paper work of his bank deposit. And he also confided in me the last time he was at my office that no one except me knew of his deposit in my bank. So, Nineteen millions Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars is still lying in my bank and no one will ever come forward to claim it. What bothers me most is that according to the laws of my country at the expiration 5 years the funds will revert to the ownership of the Hong Kong Government if nobody applies to claim the funds. Against this backdrop, my suggestion to you is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand as the next of kin to Colonel Sadiq Uday so that you will be able to receive his funds.

MODALITIES:
I want you to know that I have had everything planned out so that we shall come out successful. I have an attorney that will prepare the necessary document that will back you up as the next of kin to Colonel Sadiq Uday, all that is required from you at this stage is for you to provide me with your Full Names and Address so that the attorney can commence his job. After you have been made the next of kin, the attorney will also fill in for claims on your behalf and secure the necessary approval and of probate in your favour for the move of the funds to an account that will be provided by you.There is no risk involved at all in this matter, as we are going to adopt a legalized method and the attorney will prepare all the necessary documents. Please endeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning this issue. Once the funds have been transferred to your nominated bank account we shall then share in the ratio of 70% for me, 30% for you.

Should you be interested please send me your,
1,Full names,
2,private phone number,
3,current residential address,

And I will prefer you reach me on my private email address below: (soog0007@yahoo.com.hk) and finally after that I shall provide you with more details of this operation.

Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated.

Kind Regards,
Mr Song Lile

Here is my intended response:

Dear Mr. Le Li:

First off, let me just say, wow, I am absolutely thrilled that you chose me to profit from an entire family being blown up in a grisly, unjust war! It's an honour, really. Thank you.

Those niceties aside, I don't think you know exactly who you're dealing with here. i.e. you must think I'm a fucking idiot. I'm the one taking all the risk here. Setting aside the fact that I'm a blond-haired, blue-eyed whiter-than-white white chick whom no one is going to believe is the intimate next-of-kin of anyone named Sadiq Uday, wtf is this 70-30 bullshit? Do you know what they do to blond-haired, blue-eyed whiter-than-white white chicks in Asian prisons? I mean, did you SEE Brokedown Palace? I don't really remember all of it, but didn't they have to shit in a hole in the ground or something? And then there was that part with the cockroach that goes in that one girl's ear. Ew!

Plus, it seems to me that once I give you all of my personal bank account details and full access to all of my money and credit information, I'M now the one with all the leverage in this deal. I mean, hello? Is anyone in there? What's to stop me from just keeping the whole nineteen millions of United State dollar you deposit, and then saying "Song Le Li WHO?" Nothing, that's what.

Listen, dicknose, I don't give you account number ONE until we decide that this deal is split 63-NO! Make that... 58-42. Yes, that will do nicely, I think. Mwahahaha--er, yes.

Your proposition strangely intrigues me, Mr. Le Li, and I don't want to be overly difficult here, but you have to see that I am not a person to be trifled with. I'm sure you have grasped by now that I have a keen business sense and a mind like a steel trap i.e. NOTHING GETS BY ME.

I trust this new arrangement meets with your approval. I await your response with interest, and look forward to hearing about your legalized method of modality forthwith.

Yours shrewdly,
alanisw@hotmail.com

P.S. Do you think my getting a fake tan would help the plan at all? Just a thought.

I'm not going to do the "3 Good Things" thing today, at least not in this space, but I will say that one of them was ultimately caused by the existence of Douglas Adams. Without him I wouldn't have been amused by streetlights this morning. I'm very glad he decided to be a writer.

Don't Worry, Be Happy!

Happy New Year, everyone! I really mean that.

Happy.

Happiness. What the heck is it, and how do you get more of it? Well, I sure as heck don't know, but I feel better knowing that scientists are on the case. As we all know, scientists will fix everything in due course (thank goodness we don't have to worry about that pesky greenhouse effect any more!) I mean, if they perfected the two-minute microwaveable bag of rice, they can do anything.

I've been trying to get myself happy for a long time, and there are times when I feel it, and other times when I feel bad because I don't. I should be happy. My life is absolutely wonderful. I've got a great boyfriend, a great house, a job I don't hate that actually pays me well, and I'm healthy. I should be vaulting over lampposts and singing show tunes at the top of my lungs.

Trouble is, I went to Catholic school when I was young and got inculcated with The Guilt, but good. Anytime I start to feel happy, I start to worry about all of the unhappy people in the world, the sick, the poor, the lonely, and all of the things I'm not doing to help them. Boom: instant unhappy.

However, as I've said, Positive Psychologists are looking into the problem and have come up with some ways that may help us to be lastingly happy. They've taken up empirically studying the long-term effects of some en-happy-ing techniques to see which ones work the best.

One of the most effective techniques is the "Three Good Things in Life" exercise. Participants are asked to write down three things that go well each day every night for one week. In addition, they are asked to provide a causal explanation for each good thing. This exercise increased happiness and decreased depressive symptoms for six months afterward. Of course, the degree to which participants continued the exercise on their own after the one week period mediated the long-term benefits. Seems some people actually liked the experiment and kept doing it by themselves.

This doesn't sound like such a hard thing to do, so I've decided to try it myself. Can't hurt, might help, eh, wot?

Only... why is it so bloody hard to think of my three things? I had a perfectly fine day at work today, nothing went particularly wrong, didn't stub my toe or miss my train or anything. And yet, I could give you fifty negative things about the day. I'm not sure I'm able to properly recognize good things when they happen.

But then, I have never been conditioned to actively appreciate things. In the world I live in it is customary to answer the question "how are you?" with "oh, not too bad". You are expected to complain about your job and exaggerate the unpleasantness or stupidity of certain tasks or coworkers as a bonding exercise. It's often done to get a laugh out of other people, and it generally works. And everyone feels a little better for it afterwards for a few minutes at least... but at what cost? Do we spend the day looking for negative things that will add to the story in the retelling, completely missing other small pleasantnesses in the process?

I know I do. And I'd like to stop it. So here goes:

1. I woke up to the wonderful smell of freshly brewed coffee. Cause: Well, there are a couple. Distally, cute boyfriend bought me a coffee maker for Christmas so I could actually use it before work, but proximally, I remembered to fill it up and program it correctly. (This doesn't sound like a big deal, but I've screwed it up three times already and I've only had the thing for a week or so.) I'm learning!

2. I helped out the new guy at work and he seemed less nervous because of it. Cause: Uh... well, I don't know, geez. Because I know how weird it is to be at a new place and not be really sure of what you're expected to do. He's a co-op and this is his first job in an office of any kind, the poor dope. I like to try and help new people feel welcomed and more at ease. That whole golden rule thing, I guess.

3. I had a yummy dinner. Cause: Huh, am I supposed to always say what I think I did to make the good thing good, or... Because I didn't actually make it, cute boyfriend did. But I gave him the idea and I bought some of the ingredients to make it. Maybe that's part of why it was good. Thinking of stuff to make for dinner is such a damn chore sometimes, and we both share the burden of it, which makes it easier to not fight about it. If one of us were doing all the work all the time that could be cause for much tension. But luckily it is not. (Oh, another reason is that CB is a damn good cook.)

Hey... wait a second. I'm starting to feel something. Not ecstatic or anything, but I begin to see the point a bit. I mean, "I had a yummy dinner" sounds like a stupid thing to be happy about in this hyper-cynical world. But when you start to look for the positives behind why you had such a nice supper, things become a little more complicated and psychological and stuff. Muy post-modern.

Hm, maybe these scientist fellows are on to something here. I think I'll see what I can come up with tomorrow.

In the meantime: Happy!