Me2
The other day I was riding the GO Train, and on one of the walls I spied a poster for U2's newest album "No Line on the Horizon". My keen powers of observation did not stop there, however. While closely perusing the poster, I happened to notice something that no one else has ever noticed before: the members of U2 are getting a bit long in the tooth.
"Aha!" thought I. "A fresh avenue of comedy to be mined like the wind! These geezers are ripe for parody, and I shall give it to them, but good!" Then I twirled my moustache and cackled maniacally. I refrained from tying a damsel to the tracks, as the GO Train has enough scheduling problems as it is.
I began my mental assault on the impossibly decrepit band. My first thought was, "No line on the horizon? Maybe you need new bi-focals, grandpa! Ooh, burn." With this wicked barb priming the pump, I knew I had hit the comedy jackpot. But how best to impale them on my razor-sharp wit? "I've got it!" I yelled at no one in particular. "I shall re-write their set list with song titles that sound vaguely political and pretentiously arty, but that also might be seen as things that a bunch of old guys would be concerned about."
"Oh Alanis, you are deliciously evil!" I cooed to myself. "No one will have thought of this idea before. No one." The passenger beside me shifted uncomfortably, gripped her knitting needles tightly and eyed me suspiciously. All in all, an unsettling train ride. But a profitable one, it turns out.
Without further ado, I give you:
U2's (AKA Old Guys') Song List
Ordinary Movements
The Spirit is Willing
Speak Up
Irregular Heartbeats
Blind Man's Bluff
A Lovely Afternoon
Keeping Up With the Jonases
Blood in the Bowl
Give Me Strength
Pop! (Uh-Oh)
I Want to Live
Special Album Remixes:
Sitting to Sit Still
What Was I Looking For, Again?
The Unforgettable... Something
Stuck in a Bathtub You Can't Get Out Of
And that, my friends, is how you stick it to the Old, Old Man. I bet next time they will think twice before being no more than ten years older than me! Stupid old rock stars and their dumb joie de vivre. Pfft!
"Aha!" thought I. "A fresh avenue of comedy to be mined like the wind! These geezers are ripe for parody, and I shall give it to them, but good!" Then I twirled my moustache and cackled maniacally. I refrained from tying a damsel to the tracks, as the GO Train has enough scheduling problems as it is.
I began my mental assault on the impossibly decrepit band. My first thought was, "No line on the horizon? Maybe you need new bi-focals, grandpa! Ooh, burn." With this wicked barb priming the pump, I knew I had hit the comedy jackpot. But how best to impale them on my razor-sharp wit? "I've got it!" I yelled at no one in particular. "I shall re-write their set list with song titles that sound vaguely political and pretentiously arty, but that also might be seen as things that a bunch of old guys would be concerned about."
"Oh Alanis, you are deliciously evil!" I cooed to myself. "No one will have thought of this idea before. No one." The passenger beside me shifted uncomfortably, gripped her knitting needles tightly and eyed me suspiciously. All in all, an unsettling train ride. But a profitable one, it turns out.
Without further ado, I give you:
U2's (AKA Old Guys') Song List
Ordinary Movements
The Spirit is Willing
Speak Up
Irregular Heartbeats
Blind Man's Bluff
A Lovely Afternoon
Keeping Up With the Jonases
Blood in the Bowl
Give Me Strength
Pop! (Uh-Oh)
I Want to Live
Special Album Remixes:
Sitting to Sit Still
What Was I Looking For, Again?
The Unforgettable... Something
Stuck in a Bathtub You Can't Get Out Of
And that, my friends, is how you stick it to the Old, Old Man. I bet next time they will think twice before being no more than ten years older than me! Stupid old rock stars and their dumb joie de vivre. Pfft!
posted by Alanis at
6:00 AM
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