How to be Popular
Do you want to be popular? Revered by strangers, admired by co-workers, adored by friends and family? Sure, we all do! But how? How? That is the million-dollar question, baby.
Shocked that not one person has ever stepped up to fill this gaping societal hole, we here at This is Joe's Fault have taken it upon ourselves to do that very thing. Our crack team of analysts have spent back-breaking hours poring over scientific studies, cross-referencing and comparing empirical data, and watching a butt-load of eTalk Daily. Finally, we have compiled our patented Five List of the easiest ways to become popular. Behold!
1. Be rich.
Despite what you may have heard, folks LOVE to hang around with people who have a lot of money! It's true! Oftentimes rich people have nicer houses, cars, clothes, and food and drink than the rest of us. Giving less well-off people access to these things is a great way to garner friends and raise your profile. (Throwing lavish parties and giving exorbitant gifts for no reason is also very effective.)
When you're rich, people tend to overlook many personality defects that might hinder a person's popularity. Witness Paris Hilton, Donald Trump, Ross Perot, etc. These are odious, unpleasant people who would be roundly ignored if not for their money.
There is a reason this is number one on the list. If you want to be popular, my advice is to get yourself a great deal of money, and quick!
2. Be extraordinarily attractive.
It's a truism to be sure, but beautiful people are never lonely. Normal (and even ugly!) people quite like to look at the good-looking, even if they are doing the most mundane things. Shopping, sorting through a junk drawer, showering ... You name it, folks just seem to want to watch!
Again, people are very forgiving of really good-looking people. You can be mean, stupid, obnoxious -- even really, really smart -- and people will overlook those faults and want to hang around with you anyway. As long as you're breathtakingly good-looking, the world is your oyster!
3. Be naturally talented.
Normal people find talent fascinating, and rightfully so. Since they've got nothing to offer the world at large, it intrigues them to be near someone who does. Musical ability, athleticism, even something in the juggling arts -- natural talent comes in very handy when trying to make friends.
And whenever there's a lull in the conversation you can easily re-captivate attention by simply saying "hey everybody, watch this!" (Just be sure there aren't too many lulls, as nobody likes a show off.)
Note: #3 works even better if you can combine it with either #1, #2, or both. Hey, you only live once. Go for it!
4. Conform.
Humans are a funny bunch. As much as they enjoy the occasional superficial distraction, they generally do not want their basic world view challenged in any way. Radical thinking scares them, so this is where the intellectually lazy can really shine. Do you believe in god? Depends on who you're talking to. What do you want on your pizza? I'll have what she's having! Do you think the Mets will win the big game? What do you think?
As the excruciatingly painful current presidential election has taught us, to be popular it's important to look like you agree with everybody. And it not just important in politics. Let's face it, being easily led is the hallmark of the popular person.
So if you're seriously considering following the advice in this post, heck, you're already well on your way!
5. Lie.
If, for some strange reason, you can't manage to be fabulously rich, preternaturally good-looking, extraordinarily talented, or blandly familiar, there is still hope for you. Just pretend to be all of these things. It's easy! All it takes is a complete lack of conscience, a whole lot of enthusiasm, and a little bit of imagination. Just look what it did for Tony Robbins.
Well, there you have it. Five easy steps to being loved, adored and respected by everybody you ever meet. Good luck and have fun!
Shocked that not one person has ever stepped up to fill this gaping societal hole, we here at This is Joe's Fault have taken it upon ourselves to do that very thing. Our crack team of analysts have spent back-breaking hours poring over scientific studies, cross-referencing and comparing empirical data, and watching a butt-load of eTalk Daily. Finally, we have compiled our patented Five List of the easiest ways to become popular. Behold!
1. Be rich.
Despite what you may have heard, folks LOVE to hang around with people who have a lot of money! It's true! Oftentimes rich people have nicer houses, cars, clothes, and food and drink than the rest of us. Giving less well-off people access to these things is a great way to garner friends and raise your profile. (Throwing lavish parties and giving exorbitant gifts for no reason is also very effective.)
When you're rich, people tend to overlook many personality defects that might hinder a person's popularity. Witness Paris Hilton, Donald Trump, Ross Perot, etc. These are odious, unpleasant people who would be roundly ignored if not for their money.
There is a reason this is number one on the list. If you want to be popular, my advice is to get yourself a great deal of money, and quick!
2. Be extraordinarily attractive.
It's a truism to be sure, but beautiful people are never lonely. Normal (and even ugly!) people quite like to look at the good-looking, even if they are doing the most mundane things. Shopping, sorting through a junk drawer, showering ... You name it, folks just seem to want to watch!
Again, people are very forgiving of really good-looking people. You can be mean, stupid, obnoxious -- even really, really smart -- and people will overlook those faults and want to hang around with you anyway. As long as you're breathtakingly good-looking, the world is your oyster!
3. Be naturally talented.
Normal people find talent fascinating, and rightfully so. Since they've got nothing to offer the world at large, it intrigues them to be near someone who does. Musical ability, athleticism, even something in the juggling arts -- natural talent comes in very handy when trying to make friends.
And whenever there's a lull in the conversation you can easily re-captivate attention by simply saying "hey everybody, watch this!" (Just be sure there aren't too many lulls, as nobody likes a show off.)
Note: #3 works even better if you can combine it with either #1, #2, or both. Hey, you only live once. Go for it!
4. Conform.
Humans are a funny bunch. As much as they enjoy the occasional superficial distraction, they generally do not want their basic world view challenged in any way. Radical thinking scares them, so this is where the intellectually lazy can really shine. Do you believe in god? Depends on who you're talking to. What do you want on your pizza? I'll have what she's having! Do you think the Mets will win the big game? What do you think?
As the excruciatingly painful current presidential election has taught us, to be popular it's important to look like you agree with everybody. And it not just important in politics. Let's face it, being easily led is the hallmark of the popular person.
So if you're seriously considering following the advice in this post, heck, you're already well on your way!
5. Lie.
If, for some strange reason, you can't manage to be fabulously rich, preternaturally good-looking, extraordinarily talented, or blandly familiar, there is still hope for you. Just pretend to be all of these things. It's easy! All it takes is a complete lack of conscience, a whole lot of enthusiasm, and a little bit of imagination. Just look what it did for Tony Robbins.
Well, there you have it. Five easy steps to being loved, adored and respected by everybody you ever meet. Good luck and have fun!
posted by Alanis at
7:33 AM
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