|/\|00+!! First [Anniversary] Post!!
Well, here I am again, back after a gruelling few days in New Yawrk fuckin' New Yawrk. It's been five days of standing on my feet in an arid, airless convention center, pitching vaguely entertaining game after vaguely entertaining game, smiling, schmoozing, being nice, and generally pretending that I'm not the hateful misanthrope I am. It was exhausting, tedious, depressing at times, and I missed my sweet boyfriend terribly.
I'm all out of love, folks.
Actually, it wasn't all that bad. I did get to go out to some cool places and of course see things that only New York and Toyfairs can offer. Would you like to hear about them? Sure you do!
5 Sights and Sounds of My Big Fat Business Trip to NYC
1. Game Inventor = Lunatic Of course one doesn't like to generalize, but I think it's an accepted fact that inventors of any kind are completely insane. Game inventors are indeed insane, but as a bonus they believe that "I'm just a big kid at heart!!" and therefore any immature, uncomfortable or downright goofy behaviour they engage in is deemed "fun-loving" instead of the more correct "off-putting".
It is only at a toyfair that one can see the following (in no particular order)
- stuffed bears dressed up in various military or religious garb at the same booth. (You've got to love fuzzy-wuzzy cuddly toys with an agenda.)
- older, un-lithe women with unearthly orange hair dressed in pink tights (dear god, the tights) and red flowing shirts. These women invariably wear fake tans, kabuki-grade makeup, and some sort of hat that either lights up or makes noise.
- really elaborate and offensive handlebar moustaches worn with no hint of irony
- every conceivable play on the words fun, imagination, or a combination of the two e.g. funtasmagorical, imagucation, funni-magineering OHGODITHURTSMAKEITSTOP!!
- a board game idea based on The Spanish Inquisition, where you are hunted down by ruthless soldiers, captured and interrogated. If you answer wrong (and the beauty is, there IS no right answer!) you roll to see which tortures you must endure! Religious Persecution was never this much fun!
Oh, there is no end to the hilarity of a toyfair. Luckily I was heavily drugged the whole time or I wouldn't have gotten any work done!
2. I Heart New York One day I got off work at 1:30. It was a beautiful day so I started to walk toward my hotel and half-heartedly looked for a cab as I enjoyed the daylight and (relatively) fresh air. I walked along 11th avenue from the Javitz Center toward 56th where my hotel was. I was standing on a corner politely waiting for the light to change (yeah, I know, what a tourist) when I casually glanced at the van waiting at the light in front of me. The driver was concentrating on something in his lap. There were rhythmic movements involved.
It took me about half a second to realize that he was pleasuring himself, which, hey, I'm not passing judgement, we all get bored waiting at lights and really who HASN'T resorted to that at one time or another to pass the time? I just thought perhaps I might want to walk up the street to a more populous area and leave him to it. I turned up the street and I saw a scary strung-out man coming out from behind a garbage bin pulling up his pants and walking in my direction.
Now, these are relatively harmless things to witness considering the shite going on in the world and the things I could have seen, but still "TAX-AY! HEY, HEY, HEY TAXI OVER HERE!"
Look, that doesn't make me a scaredy-cat. I just hate walking, okay?
3. Goofy Knows No Gender Okay, this isn't a strictly New York or a toyfair thing, it's just something I happened to run into that I thought was interesting. Once upon a time, long, long ago there was this funny guy who had a funny website that he updated DAILY (can you fuckin' believe that shit? What's up with that?)
One week he wrote about silly naked woman making a whole book full of goofy faces in order to stave off wrinkles. Soon, the whole world was obsessed with the crazy woman, all due to the Little Temping Site That Could. Those were heady days, let me tell you! Everyone was clamouring for more facebuilding lady! Lunchboxes, a clothing line, children's chewable vitamins, Halloween costumes, neon condoms - the marketing properties were seemingly endless. Heck, I even remember going to nightclubs and seeing the kids getting naked and doing the Facebuilding Funk (as the dance craze was called). It was a national phenomenon!
Well, that was about a decade ago and Facebuilding Fever lasted about as long as Sinbad's career. I never thought about it again until this past week in New York when I was browsing in a book store and saw, much to my surprise and delight, a man's version of the book. Sure enough, it was chock full of a man making goofy faces (but he was clothed for some reason - very odd).
A flood of nostalgia washed over me as I picked up the book, flipped through the ridiculous pages and ultimately put the book back down, mumbling and sighing to myself. Nothing could recapture the joy and elation of a wide-eyed naked woman inexplicably sticking her tongue out at the world.
Ah well, in the hustle and bustle of Big, Important New York City, it was nice to be taken back, if only for a moment, to a simpler, nakeder, more daily updated-er time. *sigh*
4. Chi-chi Restaurants and the Freaks that Love Them One night we took out our small 'c' celebrity to a terribly fancy-schmancy restaurant (it was featured on Sex in the City, dahling). Upon entering the establishment we waited to check our coats and overheard a lady losing her mind at her companion. "I swear to GOD I will never go out with him AGAIN if he takes another drink in front of me. GODDAMN IT! I CAN'T BELIEVE HIM!!" Everyone tried to ignore her little outburst and went into the restaurant.
This being a terribly hip restaurant the waitstaff hated our guts from the moment we stepped inside. They humoured us by seating us and giving us the menu, but you could tell that their hearts were not in it. If we had been with a large 'c', or perhaps even a lower-case caps celebrity, maybe, but as it was we were merely contemptible.
We ordered our meal and looked around. Whenever one of our party would leave to visit the restroom a bored busboy would wander over and take the napkin the person had left on his/her chair and derisively fold it into a shape and place it back on his/her plate. I got up and went to the bathroom a few times in hopes of finding a swan when I came back, but no such luck.
We ate our amazingly delicious meal and went upstairs for a drink. There we encountered a freakish old, ex-model with a freakish collagen-injected face who was completely drunk and/or crazy. She kept accusing us of being ten years older than we were and insisted that she was still young and beautiful-looking all due to "taking care of myself". It was a sad display and made me long for the comfort of a nice, sane pub in T.O.
Still, it's nice to see Joan Rivers getting out.
5. Is This Joke an Eternal Flame? One of the props we have for our booth are two little fire lamps that we place around one of our games. They are a great gimmick for catching people's eye and getting them to come over and check out what we've got.
Except. *sigh* Humouring the same joke over and over and over again for four days in a row, 9 hours a day. One catches a glimpse of what life must be like for Adam Sandler's poor, beleaguered wife. "Ha, ha, ha, yes, I see you pretending to warm your hands over the flames. Yes. That is extremely diverting." "Oh ha, ha, ha, no we don't have any marshmellows to roast. I wish! Ha, ha and yet again, ha."
You'd think with a huge building full of supposedly creative people I would have heard at least ONE original comment about the flames. But no. Not once. Not even the Spanish Inquisition guy, and you'd think at least HE could come up with something interesting. Sheesh. I pity the children of today. I really do.
Well, that's it for the exciting anniversary edition of This is Joe's Fault! (I actually have a much, much cooler experience of my time in New York, but this thing is so bloody long as it is, that I thought I'd save it for another day.) Peace, ma brothas and sistas!
Happy blogday to me... Happy blogday to ME... Happy BLOGDAY dear MEEEEEE... Happy blogday to me!
Well, here I am again, back after a gruelling few days in New Yawrk fuckin' New Yawrk. It's been five days of standing on my feet in an arid, airless convention center, pitching vaguely entertaining game after vaguely entertaining game, smiling, schmoozing, being nice, and generally pretending that I'm not the hateful misanthrope I am. It was exhausting, tedious, depressing at times, and I missed my sweet boyfriend terribly.
I'm all out of love, folks.
Actually, it wasn't all that bad. I did get to go out to some cool places and of course see things that only New York and Toyfairs can offer. Would you like to hear about them? Sure you do!
5 Sights and Sounds of My Big Fat Business Trip to NYC
1. Game Inventor = Lunatic Of course one doesn't like to generalize, but I think it's an accepted fact that inventors of any kind are completely insane. Game inventors are indeed insane, but as a bonus they believe that "I'm just a big kid at heart!!" and therefore any immature, uncomfortable or downright goofy behaviour they engage in is deemed "fun-loving" instead of the more correct "off-putting".
It is only at a toyfair that one can see the following (in no particular order)
- stuffed bears dressed up in various military or religious garb at the same booth. (You've got to love fuzzy-wuzzy cuddly toys with an agenda.)
- older, un-lithe women with unearthly orange hair dressed in pink tights (dear god, the tights) and red flowing shirts. These women invariably wear fake tans, kabuki-grade makeup, and some sort of hat that either lights up or makes noise.
- really elaborate and offensive handlebar moustaches worn with no hint of irony
- every conceivable play on the words fun, imagination, or a combination of the two e.g. funtasmagorical, imagucation, funni-magineering OHGODITHURTSMAKEITSTOP!!
- a board game idea based on The Spanish Inquisition, where you are hunted down by ruthless soldiers, captured and interrogated. If you answer wrong (and the beauty is, there IS no right answer!) you roll to see which tortures you must endure! Religious Persecution was never this much fun!
Oh, there is no end to the hilarity of a toyfair. Luckily I was heavily drugged the whole time or I wouldn't have gotten any work done!
2. I Heart New York One day I got off work at 1:30. It was a beautiful day so I started to walk toward my hotel and half-heartedly looked for a cab as I enjoyed the daylight and (relatively) fresh air. I walked along 11th avenue from the Javitz Center toward 56th where my hotel was. I was standing on a corner politely waiting for the light to change (yeah, I know, what a tourist) when I casually glanced at the van waiting at the light in front of me. The driver was concentrating on something in his lap. There were rhythmic movements involved.
It took me about half a second to realize that he was pleasuring himself, which, hey, I'm not passing judgement, we all get bored waiting at lights and really who HASN'T resorted to that at one time or another to pass the time? I just thought perhaps I might want to walk up the street to a more populous area and leave him to it. I turned up the street and I saw a scary strung-out man coming out from behind a garbage bin pulling up his pants and walking in my direction.
Now, these are relatively harmless things to witness considering the shite going on in the world and the things I could have seen, but still "TAX-AY! HEY, HEY, HEY TAXI OVER HERE!"
Look, that doesn't make me a scaredy-cat. I just hate walking, okay?
3. Goofy Knows No Gender Okay, this isn't a strictly New York or a toyfair thing, it's just something I happened to run into that I thought was interesting. Once upon a time, long, long ago there was this funny guy who had a funny website that he updated DAILY (can you fuckin' believe that shit? What's up with that?)
One week he wrote about silly naked woman making a whole book full of goofy faces in order to stave off wrinkles. Soon, the whole world was obsessed with the crazy woman, all due to the Little Temping Site That Could. Those were heady days, let me tell you! Everyone was clamouring for more facebuilding lady! Lunchboxes, a clothing line, children's chewable vitamins, Halloween costumes, neon condoms - the marketing properties were seemingly endless. Heck, I even remember going to nightclubs and seeing the kids getting naked and doing the Facebuilding Funk (as the dance craze was called). It was a national phenomenon!
Well, that was about a decade ago and Facebuilding Fever lasted about as long as Sinbad's career. I never thought about it again until this past week in New York when I was browsing in a book store and saw, much to my surprise and delight, a man's version of the book. Sure enough, it was chock full of a man making goofy faces (but he was clothed for some reason - very odd).
A flood of nostalgia washed over me as I picked up the book, flipped through the ridiculous pages and ultimately put the book back down, mumbling and sighing to myself. Nothing could recapture the joy and elation of a wide-eyed naked woman inexplicably sticking her tongue out at the world.
Ah well, in the hustle and bustle of Big, Important New York City, it was nice to be taken back, if only for a moment, to a simpler, nakeder, more daily updated-er time. *sigh*
4. Chi-chi Restaurants and the Freaks that Love Them One night we took out our small 'c' celebrity to a terribly fancy-schmancy restaurant (it was featured on Sex in the City, dahling). Upon entering the establishment we waited to check our coats and overheard a lady losing her mind at her companion. "I swear to GOD I will never go out with him AGAIN if he takes another drink in front of me. GODDAMN IT! I CAN'T BELIEVE HIM!!" Everyone tried to ignore her little outburst and went into the restaurant.
This being a terribly hip restaurant the waitstaff hated our guts from the moment we stepped inside. They humoured us by seating us and giving us the menu, but you could tell that their hearts were not in it. If we had been with a large 'c', or perhaps even a lower-case caps celebrity, maybe, but as it was we were merely contemptible.
We ordered our meal and looked around. Whenever one of our party would leave to visit the restroom a bored busboy would wander over and take the napkin the person had left on his/her chair and derisively fold it into a shape and place it back on his/her plate. I got up and went to the bathroom a few times in hopes of finding a swan when I came back, but no such luck.
We ate our amazingly delicious meal and went upstairs for a drink. There we encountered a freakish old, ex-model with a freakish collagen-injected face who was completely drunk and/or crazy. She kept accusing us of being ten years older than we were and insisted that she was still young and beautiful-looking all due to "taking care of myself". It was a sad display and made me long for the comfort of a nice, sane pub in T.O.
Still, it's nice to see Joan Rivers getting out.
5. Is This Joke an Eternal Flame? One of the props we have for our booth are two little fire lamps that we place around one of our games. They are a great gimmick for catching people's eye and getting them to come over and check out what we've got.
Except. *sigh* Humouring the same joke over and over and over again for four days in a row, 9 hours a day. One catches a glimpse of what life must be like for Adam Sandler's poor, beleaguered wife. "Ha, ha, ha, yes, I see you pretending to warm your hands over the flames. Yes. That is extremely diverting." "Oh ha, ha, ha, no we don't have any marshmellows to roast. I wish! Ha, ha and yet again, ha."
You'd think with a huge building full of supposedly creative people I would have heard at least ONE original comment about the flames. But no. Not once. Not even the Spanish Inquisition guy, and you'd think at least HE could come up with something interesting. Sheesh. I pity the children of today. I really do.
Well, that's it for the exciting anniversary edition of This is Joe's Fault! (I actually have a much, much cooler experience of my time in New York, but this thing is so bloody long as it is, that I thought I'd save it for another day.) Peace, ma brothas and sistas!
Happy blogday to me... Happy blogday to ME... Happy BLOGDAY dear MEEEEEE... Happy blogday to me!
posted by Alanis at
11:09 AM
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