Bank Fraud vs. Classmates.com

I received this email the other day:

From: "George Stephens"
To: george_stephens001@yahoo.com
Subject: Thanks in Anticipation

My Good Friend,

Compliments. My name is Mr. George Stephens, and I work as an accountant in a bank:I feel quite safe dealing with you in this important business. Though, this medium (Internet) has been greatly abused, I choose to reach you through it because it still remains the fastest medium of communication.

However, this correspondence is unofficial and private, and it should be treated as such. At first I will like to assure you that this transaction is 100% risk and trouble free to both parties. I contacted you to work together with me in claiming my late client estate. Unfortunately he died without a registered next of kin and as such the funds now have an open beneficiary status. You could be made the beneficiary as you Share the same last name with him.

This sameness in your last names has officially transferred the beneficiary right to you, as no other person from his family knows anything about this fund with our bank.

If you are interested in working with me, please get back to me as quickly as possible so that I give you the details of what we are to do.

Thanks in anticipation for your co-operation

Best Wishes, Mr. George Stephens

My immediate response:

OMG! George Stevens!? I've been looking for you EVERYWHERE! Good golly man, you are one hard guy to find! I've been looking for you for ten years! And then you just send me a spam email out of the blue, trying to con me out of my money. Same old George! :) Still, I've totally got goosebumbs, for like, real.

Anyway, I'm on the reunion committee and, as you are doubtless aware, our 20th High School anniversary is coming up in June. Can you believe that?! Twenty years... it seems like only yesterday. "Sunrise, sunset... Sunrise, sunset..." Remember when you played Tevye in our 11th grade production of Fiddler on the Roof? My god, you were awful! You couldn't carry a note! I can't imagine why they chose you for the lead. Oh right, because you threatened to kill the director's family, ha- ha! You nutty nut-nut!

Remember Lisa Jones? She was the girl who threw up all over Tom Smenke's sneakers at the prom, remember? And then proceeded to make out with Bob "no thumbs" Peters - the janitor - ew? (Oh, that's right, you weren't at the prom. I think you were in jail for blowing up the principal's brand new Ford Escort. He totally exaggerated the extent of his injuries, by the way. He still walks with a limp twenty years later. What a faker! Besides, he totally deserved it with that haircut of his.) ANYway, Lisa just gave birth to sextuplets! I know!! She was always such a huge slut.

As for me, well, I travelled for a few years after university (majored in Criminology of all things), did some temping here and there, and now I'm working at a bank as a guard. Of course, I'm still single and loving it! Oh, but remember my cat Mr. Whiskers? I'm afraid he passed away about 7 years ago. Feline Leukemia Virus. I know, it was awful. I had him stuffed, though, so he's always with me. But life goes on, and now I'm on to Mr. Whiskers 2.0. He and I get into all kinds of shenanigans, as you can imagine! Lol!

Wow. George Stevens. The last time I saw you you were being arrested for embezzlement. Just how much did you get out of that Insurance office, anyway? Obviously not enough, or you wouldn't be sending me this completely illegal email! Just kidding! How about your love life? Any interesting women on the horizon, or have you "tied the knot" along the way? I'm dying to know!

ANYwho, the reunion info is below, please RSVP as soon as you can. It's going to be a hoot. There's going to be a talent show, maybe you can revise your Tevye!! Oh, but just FYI, they've installed a metal detector at the doors now, so you might want to leave Mike the Knife at home - my god, I haven't thought about Mike for years! I remember when you used to stick up frosh for their lunch money and threaten girls in the restroom with him. That's how you and I met, remember?! Oh, I had such a crush on you back then! Good times..

Date: June 10th, 2007
Time: 8:00 pm - ?
Place: The Old High School, silly! In the Big Gym, not the girls' one. Look for the balloons, you'll find it.

Anyway, hope to see you soon!! Go Purple Raiders!!

Love,You-know-who, aka "Thunder Thighs", "Barrel Hips", "Brace-Face", "Double-Bagger", "The Blob".

;-)