Scary (Part... I dunno, Pi?)
Okay, so I'm like, totally swamped and busy an' shit, so this week as I spent a bunch of time writing up an email invitation to our annual Hallowe'en party, I thought I'd just completely cheat and post it here in lieu of actually writing an update.
This is the whole email as it appeared to my many, many friends on Monday. (Incidentally, it is also as it appeared when I got many, many "address not found" return emails the same day.)
It may be completely inappropriate in this forum, but hey, it fits the leit motif I got going here. Enjoy!
[Editor's note: 80 Rahfire is not actually my address. If you get all gussied up as Urkel from Family Matters and try to find it I will not be held responsible for the beatings you incur in the process.]
****
To: Anonymous friend
From: Me
Subject: Hallowo'od Spooktacular
The following preview has been approved for viewing by all audiences.
[Screen is black as the movieguy's voice comes up with slow music playing]
In a world... where ghosts and goblins parade the streets demanding candy or else... [Children's voices raised eerily in a sing-song "trick or treat"] ...where unsuspecting homeowners can be egged for being cheap... [Sound effect of eggs smashing and a child's voice saying "stupid caramel kisses!"] ...where *nothing* and *no one* is as it seems... [Adult's voice saying "are you a fairy? No? Oh, you're a *princess*. I didn't see the crown"] ...there is ONE HOUSE that stands alone. [Exterior shot of 80 Rahfire]
[Cue frantic music, interspersed with quick shots of the interior of 80 Rahfire and its occupants]
In a scary Toronto neighbourhood... one group of friends has a plan...
[Shot of Pam in the kitchen]
"I guess we'll have the party on the Friday night this year... we can't have it the day after on the Saturday. That's just stupid."
...to take back the night
[Shot of Paula also in the kitchen]
"It'll be cool to finally have it on the exact night for once. Well, we'd better start making the ice now.
...and turn... the motha out!
[Cut to Alanis coming into the kitchen holding a CD]
"I can't wait to play my new Loverboy Best Of! *gasp* Maybe we should go as Loverboy!!"
[Exterior shot of 80 Rahfire again. Even more frantic music is played as a hand reaches toward the front door handle]
This year... join the friends of 80 Rahfire as they celebrate...
[Door swings wide and Pam, Paula and Alanis dressed as three hideous witches step out, each holding a drink and beckoning all inside]
...ALL HALLOW'S EVE!
[Fade to black as a child's voice says]
"Mommy... those ladies scare me."
[Huge, frightening title slams onto the screen]
ALL HALLOW'S EVE. It'll be a scream.
"All Hallow's Eve", starring you and several other drunken adults, munchie refreshments and kicking music (with special guest appearances by the Toronto Police Department), opens Friday, October 31st at 9:30 pm. One showing only. BYOB. Hallow-evening attire please. All inquiries/RSVPs/costume consultations via email or at 555-1234. "All Hallow's Eve" is a 3 Witches Production, written and directed by The Horned One.
This party has not yet been rated (we're hoping for AT LEAST an R, though.)
***
So now you know what my poor friends have to put up with. Be glad you're in another state, my other-stated friends.
Next week a real update -- promise!!
Okay, so I'm like, totally swamped and busy an' shit, so this week as I spent a bunch of time writing up an email invitation to our annual Hallowe'en party, I thought I'd just completely cheat and post it here in lieu of actually writing an update.
This is the whole email as it appeared to my many, many friends on Monday. (Incidentally, it is also as it appeared when I got many, many "address not found" return emails the same day.)
It may be completely inappropriate in this forum, but hey, it fits the leit motif I got going here. Enjoy!
[Editor's note: 80 Rahfire is not actually my address. If you get all gussied up as Urkel from Family Matters and try to find it I will not be held responsible for the beatings you incur in the process.]
****
To: Anonymous friend
From: Me
Subject: Hallowo'od Spooktacular
The following preview has been approved for viewing by all audiences.
[Screen is black as the movieguy's voice comes up with slow music playing]
In a world... where ghosts and goblins parade the streets demanding candy or else... [Children's voices raised eerily in a sing-song "trick or treat"] ...where unsuspecting homeowners can be egged for being cheap... [Sound effect of eggs smashing and a child's voice saying "stupid caramel kisses!"] ...where *nothing* and *no one* is as it seems... [Adult's voice saying "are you a fairy? No? Oh, you're a *princess*. I didn't see the crown"] ...there is ONE HOUSE that stands alone. [Exterior shot of 80 Rahfire]
[Cue frantic music, interspersed with quick shots of the interior of 80 Rahfire and its occupants]
In a scary Toronto neighbourhood... one group of friends has a plan...
[Shot of Pam in the kitchen]
"I guess we'll have the party on the Friday night this year... we can't have it the day after on the Saturday. That's just stupid."
...to take back the night
[Shot of Paula also in the kitchen]
"It'll be cool to finally have it on the exact night for once. Well, we'd better start making the ice now.
...and turn... the motha out!
[Cut to Alanis coming into the kitchen holding a CD]
"I can't wait to play my new Loverboy Best Of! *gasp* Maybe we should go as Loverboy!!"
[Exterior shot of 80 Rahfire again. Even more frantic music is played as a hand reaches toward the front door handle]
This year... join the friends of 80 Rahfire as they celebrate...
[Door swings wide and Pam, Paula and Alanis dressed as three hideous witches step out, each holding a drink and beckoning all inside]
...ALL HALLOW'S EVE!
[Fade to black as a child's voice says]
"Mommy... those ladies scare me."
[Huge, frightening title slams onto the screen]
ALL HALLOW'S EVE. It'll be a scream.
"All Hallow's Eve", starring you and several other drunken adults, munchie refreshments and kicking music (with special guest appearances by the Toronto Police Department), opens Friday, October 31st at 9:30 pm. One showing only. BYOB. Hallow-evening attire please. All inquiries/RSVPs/costume consultations via email or at 555-1234. "All Hallow's Eve" is a 3 Witches Production, written and directed by The Horned One.
This party has not yet been rated (we're hoping for AT LEAST an R, though.)
***
So now you know what my poor friends have to put up with. Be glad you're in another state, my other-stated friends.
Next week a real update -- promise!!
posted by Alanis at
1:09 PM
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