Don't Worry, Be Happy!
Happy New Year, everyone! I really mean that.
Happy.
Happiness. What the heck is it, and how do you get more of it? Well, I sure as heck don't know, but I feel better knowing that scientists are on the case. As we all know, scientists will fix everything in due course (thank goodness we don't have to worry about that pesky greenhouse effect any more!) I mean, if they perfected the two-minute microwaveable bag of rice, they can do anything.
I've been trying to get myself happy for a long time, and there are times when I feel it, and other times when I feel bad because I don't. I should be happy. My life is absolutely wonderful. I've got a great boyfriend, a great house, a job I don't hate that actually pays me well, and I'm healthy. I should be vaulting over lampposts and singing show tunes at the top of my lungs.
Trouble is, I went to Catholic school when I was young and got inculcated with The Guilt, but good. Anytime I start to feel happy, I start to worry about all of the unhappy people in the world, the sick, the poor, the lonely, and all of the things I'm not doing to help them. Boom: instant unhappy.
However, as I've said, Positive Psychologists are looking into the problem and have come up with some ways that may help us to be lastingly happy. They've taken up empirically studying the long-term effects of some en-happy-ing techniques to see which ones work the best.
One of the most effective techniques is the "Three Good Things in Life" exercise. Participants are asked to write down three things that go well each day every night for one week. In addition, they are asked to provide a causal explanation for each good thing. This exercise increased happiness and decreased depressive symptoms for six months afterward. Of course, the degree to which participants continued the exercise on their own after the one week period mediated the long-term benefits. Seems some people actually liked the experiment and kept doing it by themselves.
This doesn't sound like such a hard thing to do, so I've decided to try it myself. Can't hurt, might help, eh, wot?
Only... why is it so bloody hard to think of my three things? I had a perfectly fine day at work today, nothing went particularly wrong, didn't stub my toe or miss my train or anything. And yet, I could give you fifty negative things about the day. I'm not sure I'm able to properly recognize good things when they happen.
But then, I have never been conditioned to actively appreciate things. In the world I live in it is customary to answer the question "how are you?" with "oh, not too bad". You are expected to complain about your job and exaggerate the unpleasantness or stupidity of certain tasks or coworkers as a bonding exercise. It's often done to get a laugh out of other people, and it generally works. And everyone feels a little better for it afterwards for a few minutes at least... but at what cost? Do we spend the day looking for negative things that will add to the story in the retelling, completely missing other small pleasantnesses in the process?
I know I do. And I'd like to stop it. So here goes:
1. I woke up to the wonderful smell of freshly brewed coffee. Cause: Well, there are a couple. Distally, cute boyfriend bought me a coffee maker for Christmas so I could actually use it before work, but proximally, I remembered to fill it up and program it correctly. (This doesn't sound like a big deal, but I've screwed it up three times already and I've only had the thing for a week or so.) I'm learning!
2. I helped out the new guy at work and he seemed less nervous because of it. Cause: Uh... well, I don't know, geez. Because I know how weird it is to be at a new place and not be really sure of what you're expected to do. He's a co-op and this is his first job in an office of any kind, the poor dope. I like to try and help new people feel welcomed and more at ease. That whole golden rule thing, I guess.
3. I had a yummy dinner. Cause: Huh, am I supposed to always say what I think I did to make the good thing good, or... Because I didn't actually make it, cute boyfriend did. But I gave him the idea and I bought some of the ingredients to make it. Maybe that's part of why it was good. Thinking of stuff to make for dinner is such a damn chore sometimes, and we both share the burden of it, which makes it easier to not fight about it. If one of us were doing all the work all the time that could be cause for much tension. But luckily it is not. (Oh, another reason is that CB is a damn good cook.)
Hey... wait a second. I'm starting to feel something. Not ecstatic or anything, but I begin to see the point a bit. I mean, "I had a yummy dinner" sounds like a stupid thing to be happy about in this hyper-cynical world. But when you start to look for the positives behind why you had such a nice supper, things become a little more complicated and psychological and stuff. Muy post-modern.
Hm, maybe these scientist fellows are on to something here. I think I'll see what I can come up with tomorrow.
In the meantime: Happy!
Happy.
Happiness. What the heck is it, and how do you get more of it? Well, I sure as heck don't know, but I feel better knowing that scientists are on the case. As we all know, scientists will fix everything in due course (thank goodness we don't have to worry about that pesky greenhouse effect any more!) I mean, if they perfected the two-minute microwaveable bag of rice, they can do anything.
I've been trying to get myself happy for a long time, and there are times when I feel it, and other times when I feel bad because I don't. I should be happy. My life is absolutely wonderful. I've got a great boyfriend, a great house, a job I don't hate that actually pays me well, and I'm healthy. I should be vaulting over lampposts and singing show tunes at the top of my lungs.
Trouble is, I went to Catholic school when I was young and got inculcated with The Guilt, but good. Anytime I start to feel happy, I start to worry about all of the unhappy people in the world, the sick, the poor, the lonely, and all of the things I'm not doing to help them. Boom: instant unhappy.
However, as I've said, Positive Psychologists are looking into the problem and have come up with some ways that may help us to be lastingly happy. They've taken up empirically studying the long-term effects of some en-happy-ing techniques to see which ones work the best.
One of the most effective techniques is the "Three Good Things in Life" exercise. Participants are asked to write down three things that go well each day every night for one week. In addition, they are asked to provide a causal explanation for each good thing. This exercise increased happiness and decreased depressive symptoms for six months afterward. Of course, the degree to which participants continued the exercise on their own after the one week period mediated the long-term benefits. Seems some people actually liked the experiment and kept doing it by themselves.
This doesn't sound like such a hard thing to do, so I've decided to try it myself. Can't hurt, might help, eh, wot?
Only... why is it so bloody hard to think of my three things? I had a perfectly fine day at work today, nothing went particularly wrong, didn't stub my toe or miss my train or anything. And yet, I could give you fifty negative things about the day. I'm not sure I'm able to properly recognize good things when they happen.
But then, I have never been conditioned to actively appreciate things. In the world I live in it is customary to answer the question "how are you?" with "oh, not too bad". You are expected to complain about your job and exaggerate the unpleasantness or stupidity of certain tasks or coworkers as a bonding exercise. It's often done to get a laugh out of other people, and it generally works. And everyone feels a little better for it afterwards for a few minutes at least... but at what cost? Do we spend the day looking for negative things that will add to the story in the retelling, completely missing other small pleasantnesses in the process?
I know I do. And I'd like to stop it. So here goes:
1. I woke up to the wonderful smell of freshly brewed coffee. Cause: Well, there are a couple. Distally, cute boyfriend bought me a coffee maker for Christmas so I could actually use it before work, but proximally, I remembered to fill it up and program it correctly. (This doesn't sound like a big deal, but I've screwed it up three times already and I've only had the thing for a week or so.) I'm learning!
2. I helped out the new guy at work and he seemed less nervous because of it. Cause: Uh... well, I don't know, geez. Because I know how weird it is to be at a new place and not be really sure of what you're expected to do. He's a co-op and this is his first job in an office of any kind, the poor dope. I like to try and help new people feel welcomed and more at ease. That whole golden rule thing, I guess.
3. I had a yummy dinner. Cause: Huh, am I supposed to always say what I think I did to make the good thing good, or... Because I didn't actually make it, cute boyfriend did. But I gave him the idea and I bought some of the ingredients to make it. Maybe that's part of why it was good. Thinking of stuff to make for dinner is such a damn chore sometimes, and we both share the burden of it, which makes it easier to not fight about it. If one of us were doing all the work all the time that could be cause for much tension. But luckily it is not. (Oh, another reason is that CB is a damn good cook.)
Hey... wait a second. I'm starting to feel something. Not ecstatic or anything, but I begin to see the point a bit. I mean, "I had a yummy dinner" sounds like a stupid thing to be happy about in this hyper-cynical world. But when you start to look for the positives behind why you had such a nice supper, things become a little more complicated and psychological and stuff. Muy post-modern.
Hm, maybe these scientist fellows are on to something here. I think I'll see what I can come up with tomorrow.
In the meantime: Happy!
posted by Alanis at
8:16 PM
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