Beating the Rush

I thought that before department stores and easy listenin' stations utterly kill my desire to hear holiday tunes at all I'd spend a few minutes talking about my favourites. And just to make it extra special, I thought I'd throw it into a patented Five List®!

Five of My Very Favourite Christmas Songs

Merry Fecking Christmas
You've got to love any Christmas song that starts with the line "It was Christmas Eve, babe, in the drunk tank". Fairy Tale of New York by the Pogues is a great song for those of us who aren't exactly all about the syrupy sweetness of the holiday. If you are like me and like a good dose of cynicism with your carols, you'll love this song. Plus, it's just a good song.

If you don't know it, it's the touching story of an Irish immigrant couple coming to America to find their fortune, happy and full of hope. Years later one's a drunk, one's a heroine addict and they're trapped in a hate-filled relationship. Merry Christmas! Well, the Irish aren't known for pulling their punches.

But it's not as depressing as it sounds, though, and I find myself looking forward to it every year.

I've Got My Horn to Keep Me Warm
Getting back to more traditional Christmas fare, one of the most fun versions of Jingle Bells for me is by the Glenn Miller Orchestra.

I have to admit, I love Glen Miller. (This is much easier for me to do now that I'm over thirty and not afraid of getting beaten up at school any more. ) Swing music is a heck of a lot of fun and if it makes you feel any cooler about it, it was considered Devil music when it came out. (Although, now that I think about it, pretty much every genre of music has been condemned as such when it came out. Except for maybe Country and Western. Hmm... maybe that's why I dislike it so much...)

Anyway, Jingle Bells has been done to death in every way possible, and so far this is my absolute favourite version (although Cha-Cha-Cha All the Way from my Cocktails CD comes in a close second).

Another cool thing about liking this song is that Jimmy Stewart played Glenn Miller in the movie of his life story. And Jimmy Stewart, as we all are perfectly aware, stars in the most widely re-ran Christmas movie of all time, It's a Wonderful Life. Coincidence? I highly doubt it.

That's just how the Baby Jesus wanted it, I bet.

They Let Anyone Cut a Christmas Album
Have you ever hated a song so much and made so much fun of it that it actually became a favourite of yours by accident? Well, this was the case for me many years ago when I was forced to work in the retail industry.

I don't know if you've ever worked retail in the three months before the Christmas season in North America, but if you haven't had the pleasure I'll enlighten you. They begin playing Christmas music roughly around Labour Day and they don't stop until the end of the year. So you'd better like the tape, especially if you work full time, because you'll be listening to it eight times a day at least.

Thus was I introduced to the holiday classic Funky, Funky Christmas by New Kids on the Block. Yes, you heard me. "Funky, Funky" and "New Kids on the [friggin'] Block". It's... it's just so bad. I was struck dumb when it first came on, and I didn't get un-dumb until about the fiftieth hearing. It's almost... unholy it's that bad.

Unfortunately I've developed a sort of Stockholm syndrome with it and I have to suffer through it at least once or it's not Christmas. It's like visiting family, a necessary evil.

Christmas is for Kitties
Christmas isn't just a time for cynical ballads or crappy boy band monstrosities, oh no. It is also a time to enjoy beautiful, soulful hymns. Ave Maria is one of the most solemn, majestic hymns of the whole season. And what can make any song more solemn or majestic than it is? Why, by having it sung by kitties, that's what! And not just any kitties, the Jingle Cats!

Let's face it, a good deal of the music I like is based on ironic value, and the first time I heard "Meow Meow Me-OW Rrowr Rowr" after a two minute solemn introduction, well, I laughed so hard I cried. Actual tears. It's just the most ridiculous endeavour on the planet. There are actually people who spent time trying to find the right pitch of cat sound to fit the song. For like, real and everything!

Well, it just ain't Christmas for me til I hear purring, that's all.

Deck the Rawls
Ever since I was a kid I have loved the smooth sound of Lou Rawls' voice. My next door neighbours use to play "You'll Never Find Another Love Like Mine" on wonderfully sunny days with their doors open and I loved it. That and Stevie Wonder's "Sir Duke". Those two songs were my favourites and always bring back wonderful summer memories for me.

Mr. Taylor, the Dad next door, always reminded me a bit of Lou Rawls especially when he was dressed in his fly beige polyester suit and tie. (Although he used to terrify me just by saying "Hello, Mary! How are you?" in his scary deep voice. As a kid he appeared to me to be a huge, imposing man, and I always assumed he was mad because the only time I ever heard him was when he was yelling at one of his kids to take care of their toys, he wasn't made of money! Years later I ran into him and his family in the mall, and it turns out he was just normal man size and not really imposing at all. Strange how that happens, hey?)

Anyway, one of my all-time favourite Christmas songs is a swinging version of "Merry Christmas, Baby" by Lou Rawls. I first came across it on this great Christmas CD, and it (along with Volume 1) introduced me to all sorts of great lounge-y, jazzy, swingin' xmas tunes that are now standards at my house when it's time to trim the tree. I highly recommend them both if you'd like to inject a bit of 60's cocktail culture into the old holiday standbys.

Lou's version of this song is so smooth and cool you can just picture Santa listening to it while swigging a nice, cold martini. I always crank up the stereo when this one comes on and do my best to hit the low notes. It never happens but I always try.

Lou was sadly taken from us earlier this year and it truly was a shame. Frank Sinatra once said he had, "the classiest singing and silkiest chops in the singing game." Note: this quote was taken straight from Wikipedia so it's probably false, but it's true all the same, you know? This year I'll be raising a glass in his honour while listening.

Anyway that's my list. I know it's early yet, but what the heck. Merry Christmas, Baby!