This is Joe's Fault

Tuesday, March 25, 2003

Spring Comes to Crackdale

I know there's a war on, but it's Spring, dammit! It's lovely outside, the birds are chirping, the sun is shining and the air is filled with a certain...je ne sais quois. I gotsta write about my neighbourhood! I just gotsta!

Five ways to tell it's Springtime in Parkdale:

1. It ends with an "ooor!" sound It's lovely to again be able to open my bedroom window of an evening and sleep with a soft breeze playing upon my brow. Of course, at about two thirty in the morning, when our favourite crazy-but-loveable-old-drunk stands outside the house across the street and yells "dooooooor!" (or "snoooooooore!", "coooooorre!" or possibly "Jay Moooooohr!") it seems like she's standing right beside my bed. No more lonely nights for me this summer. Yay!

2. Pooh d'etat Our nextdoor neighbours, like most hillbillies, have a dog. A large, unruly, unfettered, apparently bran-filled dog. Of course the hillbillies, being hillbillies, have a wonderfully earthy sense of hygiene (not like us overly-anal city folk!) and don't cotton to these here "city by-laws" about curbing pets. Their dog is just as God made him and he'll alleviate hisself where he pleases, thank you very much. Spring certainly is in the air as the snow melts and lots and lots of runny miracles appear, as if by magic, on our lawns and sidewalks and driveways and decks. Ah! The smell of the simple man taking back the land!

3. Colors. C-C-C-Colors! In my neighbourhood, we have many young men who drive souped-up Honda Civics, complete with blue running lights, chains around the license plates, and the back seats replaced with speakers. Thank goodness for springtime so that I no longer have to guess the lyrics that go along with the delightful teeth-rattling BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BUDABADA-BOOM that teases me from inside their almost TOO-sexy chariots. With the advent of warmer temperatures their windows are rolled down letting me hear every glorious, thought-provoking phrase, such as, "You ain't from Russia, so bitch, why you rushin'?" And to think, six whole more months of this. Pinch me!

4. Glove for sale Springtime is a time of renewal, revival, and rebirth. And what better way to commemorate this rejuvenation of life than by resurrecting the summer-long corner junk sale as soon as the temperature goes above "0"? Why, none, of course! It's wonderful to see these hardy entrepreneurs out each and every day, smoking and drinking in their lawn chairs, filling the yawning, aching need our community has for affordable used Taco Bell meal-deal cups, single orange mittens, and broken flip-number clock radios. Why, on a good day they're liable to make upwards of two dollars! Recession, you say? Don't make me laugh!

5. Papa Don't Preach As the warm hand of Spring draws us all close to her bossom, thoughts turn, quite naturally, to love. Yes, that's right. It's the time of year when the pregnant teens in the neighbourhood finally get a chance to show off their incredible good fortune without having to freeze their babies off in the process. Let's face it, wearing a tight, backless shirt in the winter when you're "in the family way" has got to be irksome, not to mention a tad chilly! Now that the warmer weather is here, they can ride the bus, talk to each other about finding their baby daddy after school (why he not returned her pages? sssssskt!) and wear a tank top in relative comfort. Kudos, Mother Nature, for taking care of your own!

Well, there you have it. Sunshine sketches of my little hood. Parkdale: like it or love it, that's my motto!

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