Happy Days
Okay, so yesterday was a little too me-driven. The world is a wide, wonderful place full of mystery and intrigue. So today I've decided to expand my positive energy to dwell on some of the good things about other stuff. Here, then, are five really cool things about NOT being me:
1. If you are not me, you never have to be reminded of Alanis Morrissette's loathesome existence every single damn time you are introduced to someone (you lucky, lucky bastard).
2. If you are not me, you might just be Tom Hanks...and he's got a great life!
3. When you are not me you probably use the internet to cruise more than just the three or four sites and, therefore, can handle it with aplomb when something happens to one or more of your favourites at a time instead of whining about it every day until they are back. (Unless of course you are my mom. In that case you have no idea what the internet is, but you're pretty sure it's going to steal your identity some day.*)
4. Because you are not me, when you happen to see me at a bar or another crowded public place you will think that I look vaguely like Jody Foster. For some reason this unremarkable revelation will surprise and delight you. You may even be so moved as to want to come up to me and let me know about your magical discovery. BUT DON'T DO IT! I wouldn't want to cheapen your superspecial secret by having you acknowledge it to someone else. You go on and keep that for you.
5. You, unlike me, can go the whole rest of your life never having to read another of my attempts at humour. (Once again, you lucky, lucky bastard.)
*right now I cannot for the life of me remember where I stole this joke from, but rest assured it is well and truly stolen.
Well. Hm. That still seemed a little too self-centered again, didn't it? Damn my eyes! Must...think...broader. Must...not...fill...diary...with...thoughts...only...about...self. Must...reach...remote-controlled...jetpack, etc.
Alrighty. I'm gonna do better tomorrow. Promise.
Okay, so yesterday was a little too me-driven. The world is a wide, wonderful place full of mystery and intrigue. So today I've decided to expand my positive energy to dwell on some of the good things about other stuff. Here, then, are five really cool things about NOT being me:
1. If you are not me, you never have to be reminded of Alanis Morrissette's loathesome existence every single damn time you are introduced to someone (you lucky, lucky bastard).
2. If you are not me, you might just be Tom Hanks...and he's got a great life!
3. When you are not me you probably use the internet to cruise more than just the three or four sites and, therefore, can handle it with aplomb when something happens to one or more of your favourites at a time instead of whining about it every day until they are back. (Unless of course you are my mom. In that case you have no idea what the internet is, but you're pretty sure it's going to steal your identity some day.*)
4. Because you are not me, when you happen to see me at a bar or another crowded public place you will think that I look vaguely like Jody Foster. For some reason this unremarkable revelation will surprise and delight you. You may even be so moved as to want to come up to me and let me know about your magical discovery. BUT DON'T DO IT! I wouldn't want to cheapen your superspecial secret by having you acknowledge it to someone else. You go on and keep that for you.
5. You, unlike me, can go the whole rest of your life never having to read another of my attempts at humour. (Once again, you lucky, lucky bastard.)
*right now I cannot for the life of me remember where I stole this joke from, but rest assured it is well and truly stolen.
Well. Hm. That still seemed a little too self-centered again, didn't it? Damn my eyes! Must...think...broader. Must...not...fill...diary...with...thoughts...only...about...self. Must...reach...remote-controlled...jetpack, etc.
Alrighty. I'm gonna do better tomorrow. Promise.
posted by Alanis at
9:21 PM
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