Buckle Me Elmo

One of the things about New York that I didn't expect was how absurd it would be to take a cab. As I got into my first cab I started hearing voices. Specifically, Elmo's voice. Once I realized that I was not going crazy I heard him say "buckle up for safety!". When the cab stopped and the meter was turned off Elmo came on again and urged me to collect all of my belongings and get a receipt if necessary.

Weird.

Then I realized it must be a cab-wide gimmick when I got in my next cab and heard "Hello. This is Roger Clemens from the New York Yankees. Hit a home run for safety and buckle up" being spoken with as much enthusiasm as, well, a sports figure reading a public service announcement. I began to laugh heartily when I heard the same flat voice remind me to collect my belongings and to get a receipt if necessary.

A home run for safety? Bit of a stretch don't you think? Pfft! I didn't know the half of it.

As the week wore on it got even better:
Hi, this is Mary Dunleavy from the Metropolitan Opera. Hit a high note for safety and buckle up!
(Loud, annoying sound of tapping feet) Hi, we're the Rockettes. [unintelligible due to tapping feet noise] for safety and [unintelligible due to tapping feet noise]!
Hi, this is Michael Buffer. Leeeeet's get ready to rrrrrrrrrrrrruuuuummmbbblleee for safety and buckle up!

By the last day I was expecting something along the lines of:
Hi, I'm Dr. William Schnoebel, chief neurosurgeon at Mount Sinai. Perform a CAT Scan for safety and buckle up!

Ah, well, maybe it was in the cab that insulted us in slow motion, who knows? (FYI, we were standing in a huge pile of snow trying to hail a cab and when one finally stopped we told him our desired destination through his open back window. He tried to peel off in disgust, but the snow made him just spin his wheels until he slowly, slowly moved forward and away from us and our absurd request forever. It was hilarious, I tells ya.)

New York, New York. It's a helluva town.