Git Along Li'l Doggies!

Hello again! And a belated "Kung hei fat choi" to you all! (Or "Congratulations and be Prosperous" to those who aren't familiar with the Chinese New Year greeting.) You may ask yourself, Why is this year so special to Alanis? She didn't give a good gosh-darn last year. Well, that's because this year is my year. The year of the Dog.

Woof!

And while I don't believe in astrology or horoscopes, ever since I found out I am a dog I've been delighted with my Chinese sign. (Although I'm pretty sure that I would be less so if I found out I was a weasel or a dung beetle or something.) Dogs are great. They're loveable, loyal, fun to be around, and cool. Yes cool. (If they weren't, would they be in so many beer commercials?)

And rather than the ridiculous Western notion of assigning a set of characteristics to every person born in a month-long period, the Chinese Zodiac sets out to assign personalities to all of the people born in a single year. Very ambitious.

Let's take a look at what this one site has to say about doggies in general [and how it might apply to me personally]:

"In the West, the Dog is man's best friend, but in Chinese Astrology this Sign is a little more unpredictable than that. Dogs are loyal, faithful and honest and always stick to their firm codes of ethics. [I told you dogs were great!] However, this Sign has trouble trusting others.[Hmph. Prove it!] It's generally quite trustworthy itself -- except for the occasional "little white lies" the Dog tells in order to make things go more smoothly.[That is not true! Those pants really ARE slimming on you!] The Dog makes a wonderful, discreet and loyal friend (despite any white lies) and is an excellent listener.[Sorry, what was that?] This Sign tends to root for the underdog and its keen sense of right and wrong makes it duty-bound to the core. [Whoa. I loved "Underdog" when I was a kid. Spooky.] The Dog's mantra seems to be, Live right, look out for the little people and fight injustice whenever possible. [Funny, that was the same code I lived by while temping.]

Dogs can also be rather dogmatic, [A-ha-ha!] too. They don't go in for light social banter; instead, they go straight for home, expostulating on the topics that are most important to them. [Nice to meet you. My self-esteem issues were probably brought on by early childhood disappointments. And you?] At these times the Dog's narrow-minded or stubborn side can become apparent; [Oh, what do you know?] this Sign has trouble staying light and calm when an important issue is at stake. [Fat-free mayonnaise?! Over. My. Dead. Body.] This Sign can also be very temperamental; [Let's dance!] mood swings characterize its emotional life [Just leave me here to die!] and often the Dog needs to run off to be alone in order to recuperate. [Or lick ourselves. Whatever.] Part of the problem is the result of this Sign's load of irrational fears that turn into niggling anxieties that turn into hurt feelings and occasional grouchiness.[My fears are very rational. Aren't they? But what if they're not? And what do you mean "load"? Oh great, I'm a spaz, aren't I? Thanks for pointing that out to everyone, you big jerks!] This sensitive Sign needs to warm up to others over time and gradually learn to trust them. Without that trust as a foundation, Dogs can be judgmental and coarse.[Oh, blow it out your keister!]

The Dog's discerning nature does make it an excellent business person, one who can turn that picky, guarded nature into a keen sense of the truth of another's motives. ["Good morning"? What the hell is that supposed to mean? She wants to get me fired, that's what it means!] Where love is concerned, Dogs often have a tough time finding the right match. They can be so anxious and overwrought in the romance dance that they'll stress their partner to the max! [Hey, shut up! I spent ten years alone because I chose to be alone, okay?] In any forum, this Sign is happiest when able to be quite physically active; [Although I don't have the urge to chase cars as much as I used to, I must be slowing down.] at home or at work, the Dog will always be constructing something new or cleaning something up in order to make things better. [You should see my collection of bones and chew toys!] Dogs need to work on controlling their irrational worries and would also be well-served to relax their mile-high standards, which can sometimes wind up alienating the ones they love." [You know, honey of course I love you just the way you are, but if you changed four or five fundamental things about yourself, you'd be perfect!]

Wow, it's strange how accurate these things can be. It's like they know me. And it's strange how it can fit all of the other dogs I know, too. Oh, except for... um, most of them I guess. But don't worry. The Chinese didn't just fall off the turnip truck you know. They've also got four "elements" that you can be born under to explain away these differences, too.

And don't worry # 2: I'm not about to redo another one of these things for the wood dog in me. I'm going to bed. Because (hee hee) I'm just (oh ha ha ha) dog tired (snicker)! (Hey, they mentioned nothing about dogs being funny.)

Good night!