Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs

So I've started a new job. 6 month contract at a large, boring, buttoned-down financial institution. In the marketing department.

PINCH ME!

Hey, a girl's gotta put the beefaroni on the table, ya know? Quit looking at me like that! At least it's provided a little bit of fun in terms of a couple head-scratching signs I've seen in the last week or so. (Yeah, that's worth 6 months of my soul. Sure.)

Street Crud
How do you know when the use of hiphop lingo is no longer cool? No, the answer is not five years ago (too obvious). No, it is when it appears on corporate internal materials supporting inclusive employment. Witness the following poster hanging on a cubicle in what I can only guess is the HR department:

Q. Why hire a disabled person?
A. Because we don't 'dis' ability.

I kid you not. I did mention that this is a bank, right? A whiter-than-white-maybe-a-few-asians-here-and-there big, corporate bank. The mind, she reels.

I haven't had the guts to venture over into the rest of the department, but I'm guessing there's more. I wouldn't be surprised to see

Nigga, PLEAZE! Review your benefits package regularly!

or

Q. Why promote a women?
A. Because we 'dis' crimination based on gender. Yo.

Maybe I'll check it out once I've prepared myself mentally for it. I dunno... It may take a few months.


What. Do you. DO?!
Working a looming office tower in downtown Toronto means that every day I have an uncomfortably silent express elevator ride up to my tiny cubicle in the sky. It was on my second uncomfortably silent ride that I noticed something.

There are two unlit signs underneath the floor number display. The first makes perfect sense to me. Because there are so many floors there are two elevator cars riding piggy back so that you don't have to stop at every damn floor every time you want to go grab an overpriced specialty coffee on your break.

Sometimes the cars have to stop to serve the floor above or beneath it. When this happens the Serving Other Floor sign lights up, calming down a panicky passenger who has perhaps seen Speed one too many times. "No, panicky passenger," it seems to say, "we are not stuck between floors because a doughy white haired terrorist has taped a bomb to the elevator to taunt a valley-talking cop for no apparent reason. We have stopped so that the other floor can be served. It'll just take a sec, and we'll be on our way!"

But the other unlit sign... It baffles me. I've never seen it light up yet, but it reads Exit When Doors Open. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but it is not possible to exit if the doors aren't open. Sure, I guess there's the old air vent through the top trick, but how practical is that? It can't be because people have tried to circumvent the usual way can it? Other than that, why the sign? Are people lingering in there too long? I can't think of an instance when I've had to be prompted to leave an elevator. It's not like I've ever said to myself, "You know, I really like it in here. I think I'll just ride for a bit."

Perhaps it's an aid for the developmentally challenged. That's all I can figure. Right now all I can really imagine it saying when it lights up is, "Oh Jesus Chri--look lady. I'm going to explain this to you ONE MORE TIME. You see these doors? These ones RIGHT HERE. They're going to open in a minute. When that happens AND ONLY WHEN THAT HAPPENS you should leave the car and get on with your stupid, pathetic life. Capice? Tap your hoof twice if you follow me. Good. Okay, we're here. Now get out!"

Well, whatever it's for, it's considerably less polite than the other sign, that's for sure.