There are not Enough Songs About Thursdays
Last night the roommates and I attended a neighbourhood meeting that was organized by the lady who lives directly across the street from us. She is legitimately concerned about the crack house (for lack of a better phrase) right next door to her. She and others in the neighbourhood are also concerned about the five other similar houses in a four block radius owned by the same landlord of Italian extraction *cough-mafia-cough*. They thought it might be a good idea to try and organize ourselves to see what we might be able to do about it.
It was really strange, though. I've never really been much of a neighbour-y type of person and tend to keep to myself. I'll smile and say hello, but I don't want to know people's business and I would prefer if they didn't know mine. But the cause is a good one and the more friendly, lived-in and concerned our neighbourhood is, the less friendly it is for the crack dealers and prostitutes. After five years of living in this same house (and it is eight years for my roommates) we finally met and were introduced to more of the faces we see on a regular basis. It was kind of nice.
All of this has nothing whatsoever to do with the Laze-Inducing Invention I'm focusing on today, but it was something that happened to me that I thought I'd share. It is my blog, after all.
Stop looking at me like that. I'm getting to it. Man, you're so impatient! That is sooo like a North American. You want everything now! Now! NOW!!
4. The Microwave
Long, long ago a bunch of scientists got together and addressed one of the toughest problems facing our civilization at the time: how can we take the stress, worry and backbreaking labour out of making popcorn? They studied and argued, they researched and developed, they destroyed prototype after prototype. Lives were lost, hearts were broken, spirits were dampened and crushed. At one point they almost decided to go back to working on their combination cancer/heart disease-eating machine. But sanity prevailed, and at the end of it all, they had a working, gleaming microwave that stood five feet high and weighed a mere 800 pounds.
Soon, there was a microwave in every household and a grateful popcorn eating public hailed it as the most significant invention of whatever decade it actually came out in. Later, it was found that the device also worked for heating up other foods, and even liquids! And it did it in much less time than conventional heating up methods! Holy crow!
Since that time, the microwave has been instrumental in helping our society become the lazy, slothful cooks that they've always wanted to be. Within ten minutes of arriving home single working mothers all over the country can be heard to exclaim: *Ding!* "Frozen burritos are done!" *Ding!* "Canned Spaghetti-Os are ready!" *Ding!* "Duck a l'orange with roasted potatoes and glazed carrots is ready!" (Heheh, just kidding with that one.) *Ding!* "Popcorn's up!"
With the evening meal out of the way, mom can now relax on the sofa with a box of bonbons, a glass of wine and a good book. That is, if the children can just leave her alone for FIVE GODDAMN MINUTES. THAT'S ALL I ASK!! GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY! WELL THEN MAKE A SNOWMAN! USE YOUR IMAGINATION! I HAD TO WHEN I WAS A KID! I SWEAR TO GOD YOU KIDS ARE GOING TO DRIVE ME INTO AN INSANE ASYLUM!! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?! IS IT?!
Um, where was I? Oh yes.
The microwave. From reheating three-hour-old coffee to arming a pizza pocket with a molten core of sauce and cheese, it's an invention that brings out the loafer in all of us. What you choose to do with the seemingly endless three-to-five minutes it now takes to prepare any meal is up to you. Stand, lean, whistle, hum. Or simply do nothing. That is the beauty of the microwave, Thurdays's celebrated Laze-Enhancing Invention. The possibilities are endless! *Ding!*
It was really strange, though. I've never really been much of a neighbour-y type of person and tend to keep to myself. I'll smile and say hello, but I don't want to know people's business and I would prefer if they didn't know mine. But the cause is a good one and the more friendly, lived-in and concerned our neighbourhood is, the less friendly it is for the crack dealers and prostitutes. After five years of living in this same house (and it is eight years for my roommates) we finally met and were introduced to more of the faces we see on a regular basis. It was kind of nice.
All of this has nothing whatsoever to do with the Laze-Inducing Invention I'm focusing on today, but it was something that happened to me that I thought I'd share. It is my blog, after all.
Stop looking at me like that. I'm getting to it. Man, you're so impatient! That is sooo like a North American. You want everything now! Now! NOW!!
4. The Microwave
Long, long ago a bunch of scientists got together and addressed one of the toughest problems facing our civilization at the time: how can we take the stress, worry and backbreaking labour out of making popcorn? They studied and argued, they researched and developed, they destroyed prototype after prototype. Lives were lost, hearts were broken, spirits were dampened and crushed. At one point they almost decided to go back to working on their combination cancer/heart disease-eating machine. But sanity prevailed, and at the end of it all, they had a working, gleaming microwave that stood five feet high and weighed a mere 800 pounds.
Soon, there was a microwave in every household and a grateful popcorn eating public hailed it as the most significant invention of whatever decade it actually came out in. Later, it was found that the device also worked for heating up other foods, and even liquids! And it did it in much less time than conventional heating up methods! Holy crow!
Since that time, the microwave has been instrumental in helping our society become the lazy, slothful cooks that they've always wanted to be. Within ten minutes of arriving home single working mothers all over the country can be heard to exclaim: *Ding!* "Frozen burritos are done!" *Ding!* "Canned Spaghetti-Os are ready!" *Ding!* "Duck a l'orange with roasted potatoes and glazed carrots is ready!" (Heheh, just kidding with that one.) *Ding!* "Popcorn's up!"
With the evening meal out of the way, mom can now relax on the sofa with a box of bonbons, a glass of wine and a good book. That is, if the children can just leave her alone for FIVE GODDAMN MINUTES. THAT'S ALL I ASK!! GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY! WELL THEN MAKE A SNOWMAN! USE YOUR IMAGINATION! I HAD TO WHEN I WAS A KID! I SWEAR TO GOD YOU KIDS ARE GOING TO DRIVE ME INTO AN INSANE ASYLUM!! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?! IS IT?!
Um, where was I? Oh yes.
The microwave. From reheating three-hour-old coffee to arming a pizza pocket with a molten core of sauce and cheese, it's an invention that brings out the loafer in all of us. What you choose to do with the seemingly endless three-to-five minutes it now takes to prepare any meal is up to you. Stand, lean, whistle, hum. Or simply do nothing. That is the beauty of the microwave, Thurdays's celebrated Laze-Enhancing Invention. The possibilities are endless! *Ding!*
posted by Alanis at
9:11 AM
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