This is Joe's Fault

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Tools Out for Summer

Yesterday was a gorgeous day. It was warm and sunny and lovely out. It was so nice out I could wear just shorts and a tank shirt and sandals and when I went for a walk I didn't have to even tie a sweater around my waist just in case it got a little windy or chillier, which is just wonderful. It put me in such a good mood.

There is nothing better to me than to be able to slip on sandals and just walk out the door into the world. For months and months and months we Torontonians must sit down and tie up the shoes or boots, lumber out the coat and other accoutrements (i.e. scarf, gloves, hat or ear warmer of some kind), take a deep breath to prepare ourselves mentally for what we might find weatherwise. Just slipping on a pair of backless shoes and walking out in what I happen to be wearing makes me feel giddy, like I've gotten away with something.

Anyway, I was walking along to the grocery store through the old warehouse district near my house that has become the trendy video production/artsy neighbourhood when I heard from above, "Gooood afternoooooon!!" I looked and three storeys up were two young men grinning like idiots and giggling to each other. I kept walking. One of them said, "Geeez, I guess people don't say hello any more". Just then another woman half a block away was turning on to the same street and they yelled out the same thing to her. She also ignored them and they seemed hurt by that as well.

Here's the thing boys: most women don't like to be accosted from above (well, really they don't like to be accosted at all, but whatareyagonnado? It comes with the breasts). It's extremely off-putting. Also, with the absence of eye contact how is a body supposed to know you are yelling your greeting at them and not someone else down the street? And strangely, even if you are talking to them, one assumes that you are not just sending out a polite greeting, but that you are accosting them. It's as if you said, "Hey, a girl!! Hey!! Up here!! Talk to us!! We want to talk to a girl and you're a girl!! Heyyyy!! Show us your tits!!" In fact, if you had just said that we wouldn't think you were any smarter, and we'd still ignore you, but at least we might give you points for honesty.

I know that sunshine and skimpy clothes makes males act like morons and I'm prepared for it to a certain extent, but *sigh* sometimes it just gets so tiresome.

Lately I've noticed at least two different male comedians talking about the warm weather and how women are "taking the twins out for a walk" and how we are "shoving them (breasts) in our faces, but expect us not to notice them or talk about them". Well, I guess that's fair enough. But I would like it to be known that it is indeed warm out and I'll be damned if I will wear a high-collared, baggy shirt in the sweltering heat just so some men won't be tempted to drool and shout out like a tourrettes syndrome patient. I'm wearing a tank shirt so that I'll remain cooler and comfortable and so that if I get a tan I won't look like a farmer.

I have large breasts, I cannot hide them. I realize that a tank shirt will bring attention to them. But if males could just understand that I am not on parade, and I'm not shoving them into anyone's face per se. I'm walking to the fuckin' grocery store. And hey, it's cool that you appreciate them. Really, I'm glad. But keep it to yourself, huh?

Hey, I'm not always this touchy about stuff like this. In fact there are times when it just makes me laugh and say to myself, "hey, you're 34 and you still got it!" And, like most things in life, it really depends on how it is done. The more predatory, creepy or just plain stupid it is, the more it offends me. If it's done with a touch of humour or wit, the more I'll laugh and probably respond (as you might expect there are very, very few examples of this).

I also realize that a lot of times it's done mainly to be offensive, which is why most of us try to ignore it altogether. Or that they're just playing the odds. Maybe one out of every thousand women will actually show them their tits because they said "good afternoon". I guess you can't blame them for trying, right?

Anyway, it's the beginning of the season and there is a whole summer full of this kind of thing stretching out before me. I'm sure the novelty of seeing bare shoulders will wear off soon enough and the younger men will learn some sort of self-control when confronted with them. Or perhaps I'll just become used to it again and it will become background noise.

Whichever it is, I guess it's a small price to pay to be able to slip on some shoes and step out into the lovely, warm sunshine again.

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