Just Another Manic Monday
Well, I was going to get up early and hit the job market right at 9:00 this morning, but we had friends over from Vancouver and they didn't leave until about 10:15. I couldn't just ignore them and let them get ready and leave on their own, so I had to hang about until they were ready to shove off and I could bid them farewell. Then I had to have a piece of my roommate's birthday cake for breakfast. Then I had to update this thing...
Sheesh! Now it's about 10:15 and I won't be done this update until well after 10:30, I mean, my whole schedule is out of whack. I think I'll just throw up my hands and forget about the whole job search thing today. Better to start out fresh again tomorrow morning, right? I mean, employers can tell when you're frazzled and frustrated, right?
Anywho, I thought this week I'd take another swing at daily updating. And what can be more fitting for a theme this week than laziness? Well, I'm sure there are better ones, but I really can't be bothered to find them.
I am a lazy person. Given the choice between hiking up a mountain and "lying on the beach perpetratin' a tan" (as the kids say) I'll always take the latter. I can waste a day easier than anyone I know. I believe that is called a Type B personality. (B being a full grade lower than A, of course.)
But our Western society has a prejudice against lazy people. Sure, it stems mostly from the fact that lazy people smell bad a lot (on accounta their poor hygiene), but it's more than that. It has become institutionalized prejudice. Check this shit out: most of the employment ads I've seen lately state requirements like "highly motivated", "dynamic", "assertive self-starter", and even "Type A personality". You see what I mean? The Man wants us to be soooo busy we don't have time to think about how unhappy we are, about the state of the world, about the war. They're in it with the oil companies, dude.
But I propose that a lot of good has come from laziness. In fact, most of our best inventions have come from the desire to be lazy. From The Clapper (tm) to The Pet Rock (tm) these are the inventions that save time and, most importantly, precious, precious energy. Therefore, this week I intend to look at Five of my Favourite Laze-Inducing Inventions.
1. Home Computers and the Internet
My life became much, much easier when I finally joined the ranks of the electronically liberated. The year was 2000 and I bought my first and only laptop computer. I paid the phone company to hook me up to the internet. Then I sat back and brought the world to my bedroom (and I didn't even have to clean it up first!)
Not only is it easier to get and enjoy pornography now, but the internet allows me to find more ways to spend all of the precious time I've saved from not having to go to the library, from not having to pick up and look through my dictionary, from not having to do simple addition and multiplication in my head, etc. etc.
The internet has allowed me to almost eradicate live human interaction from my life, a thing that almost certainly takes a lot of energy to deal with. Now when I want to argue with someone I can go to any online community there is and start shooting my mouth off without having to worry about seeing the hurt faces of the people I've insulted, or indeed even wait around for their response. I can shop online and not have to deal with surly cashiers and smelly customers. I can do my banking online without shame and having to deal with the pitying looks of the tellers. I can file my taxes without having to worry about my guilty expression giving me away. And I can find out about all sorts of embarrassing medical symptoms without having to worry about pesky qualified physicians giving me competent treatment. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Thank you man and/or woman who may or may not have invented the computer and/or the internet! Your quest for laziness has enhanced our lives in so many, many ways. We the Slothful salute you!
Sheesh! Now it's about 10:15 and I won't be done this update until well after 10:30, I mean, my whole schedule is out of whack. I think I'll just throw up my hands and forget about the whole job search thing today. Better to start out fresh again tomorrow morning, right? I mean, employers can tell when you're frazzled and frustrated, right?
Anywho, I thought this week I'd take another swing at daily updating. And what can be more fitting for a theme this week than laziness? Well, I'm sure there are better ones, but I really can't be bothered to find them.
I am a lazy person. Given the choice between hiking up a mountain and "lying on the beach perpetratin' a tan" (as the kids say) I'll always take the latter. I can waste a day easier than anyone I know. I believe that is called a Type B personality. (B being a full grade lower than A, of course.)
But our Western society has a prejudice against lazy people. Sure, it stems mostly from the fact that lazy people smell bad a lot (on accounta their poor hygiene), but it's more than that. It has become institutionalized prejudice. Check this shit out: most of the employment ads I've seen lately state requirements like "highly motivated", "dynamic", "assertive self-starter", and even "Type A personality". You see what I mean? The Man wants us to be soooo busy we don't have time to think about how unhappy we are, about the state of the world, about the war. They're in it with the oil companies, dude.
But I propose that a lot of good has come from laziness. In fact, most of our best inventions have come from the desire to be lazy. From The Clapper (tm) to The Pet Rock (tm) these are the inventions that save time and, most importantly, precious, precious energy. Therefore, this week I intend to look at Five of my Favourite Laze-Inducing Inventions.
1. Home Computers and the Internet
My life became much, much easier when I finally joined the ranks of the electronically liberated. The year was 2000 and I bought my first and only laptop computer. I paid the phone company to hook me up to the internet. Then I sat back and brought the world to my bedroom (and I didn't even have to clean it up first!)
Not only is it easier to get and enjoy pornography now, but the internet allows me to find more ways to spend all of the precious time I've saved from not having to go to the library, from not having to pick up and look through my dictionary, from not having to do simple addition and multiplication in my head, etc. etc.
The internet has allowed me to almost eradicate live human interaction from my life, a thing that almost certainly takes a lot of energy to deal with. Now when I want to argue with someone I can go to any online community there is and start shooting my mouth off without having to worry about seeing the hurt faces of the people I've insulted, or indeed even wait around for their response. I can shop online and not have to deal with surly cashiers and smelly customers. I can do my banking online without shame and having to deal with the pitying looks of the tellers. I can file my taxes without having to worry about my guilty expression giving me away. And I can find out about all sorts of embarrassing medical symptoms without having to worry about pesky qualified physicians giving me competent treatment. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Thank you man and/or woman who may or may not have invented the computer and/or the internet! Your quest for laziness has enhanced our lives in so many, many ways. We the Slothful salute you!
posted by Alanis at
9:13 AM
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