This is Jesus' Fault

If He hadn't been crucified and then gloriously arisen from the dead, none of this would be possible...

First, this.

Then, that.

How can a loving God let this kind of controversy befall the wife of the most powerful man in the greatest superpower this world has ever known? Why doesn't He, in His Infinite Beneficence, not just smite all of the natural or adopted children of the fags, all of the fags, and all of the pricks who eat (or in this instance, roll) anything that could cause an animal pain? Why?!

*sigh* I guess we'll just have to wait for the fair and balanced judgement of the White House to sort this all out. I hope, and most especially pray, that they can come to a reasoned and sane decision on these matters in time for whatever children are left over to enjoy some good old fashioned avarice on this most holy of days...